sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i dont even know how to be here
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
