This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
