I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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