I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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