I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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