He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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