i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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