would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Randomize
