She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
