turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
