i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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