Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
