They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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