i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
