She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
