we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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