there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
