if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
