"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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