brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
did you just send me my own nude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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