i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
