she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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