I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
