he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
