I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
