I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
