so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
