Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
