She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Everyone says I win the strip club
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
