is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
