Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
