it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Randomize
