You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
