what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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