you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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