You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
