my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
