Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
