I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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