I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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