Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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