Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
