So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
