I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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