...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
