I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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