Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
