Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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