so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
