I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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