I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
